New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
