I think i peed on brittanys purse
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
