I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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