the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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