At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
