just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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