I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
