sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
