Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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