They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize