Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
