I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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