i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
