just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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