I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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