you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
