My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
