This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
