Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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