hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
