He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
