she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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