Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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