Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
