By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
