The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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