"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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