she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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