So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
