new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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