My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
