first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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