I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
