Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
