I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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