I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
