i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
