Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
