I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize