Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You can't motorboat a personality
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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