I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
