as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
