I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
