Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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