Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
