Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
