So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
