I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
