i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
40s are totally the cure
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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