All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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