You can't special order awesome
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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