this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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