she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
