My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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