I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
