i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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