What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
