I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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