still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
