I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
