You're completely useless in the revolution.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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