Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
