Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
