My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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