he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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