I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
