tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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