you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize