This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
