just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize