so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
