i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
