shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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