I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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