I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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