I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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