I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
