i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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