I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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