So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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