This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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