What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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