idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
