Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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