It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
