Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
