In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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