I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
