My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
