Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
