i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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