Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
