Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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