So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
