: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
