He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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