when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize