...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
