I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
