**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
