I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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